Facebook friendships and news

Once upon a time, we kept in touch with our friends through phone calls, letters, lunches, and parties.  Then came email and later Facebook.  We now can keep up with a lot more friends, but those interactions are much more superficial.  We rely on posts that often lose meaning without the backstory a maintained friendship provides.  In addition, people post with a social desirability filter, often portraying themselves in a way that supports their own perceived persona.  True friends see through this.

I enjoy Facebook and check it pretty frequently to keep up with friends and acquaintances alike.  However, Facebook should not be my primary source of news, particularly of the happenings of those near and dear to me.  Unfortunately, that is what it has become. 

The other day, I checked Facebook at lunch and was saddened by the tragedy of the shooting at Chardon High School back near my old hometown. While I have no current direct contact with the school, many of my Facebook friends do.  I share their pain and pray for the families.

I have also been informed of more personal news via Facebook posts:  the death of a family member, a friend's new baby, a sister's car accident.  It rankles when this impersonal method is used to deliver such personal news.  It saddens me that my main source of news of my brother's life is via Facebook.

However, what made me begin this post is the recent discovery of a friend's cancer via an invitation over Facebook to a benefit in his honor.  He was a person who ran in my brother's circle of friends when I was younger.  He is married to a friend of mine who I, once upon a time, considered the little sister I never had.  She and I grew up a street apart.  I accompanied her family on some of their summer vacations.  I introduced her to my church, my youth group, and, well, her husband.  I am not sure what happened, but we grew apart.  If it weren't for Facebook, we probably would only remain in touch of each other's happenings through other friends we maintained in common.    However, this cancer news saddens me.  I pray for their family.

I am reminded of a portion of the Alpha Gamma Delta Purpose:  "To cultivate acquaintance with many whom I meet.  To cherish friendships with but a chosen few and to study the perfecting of those friendships."

Facebook allows us to continue to cultivate those acquaintances.  However, it takes us away from cherishing those friendships and perfecting them because we remain so impersonal in our interactions.  Facebook should not be our primary source of news of a personal nature.  It should not be our primary means of contact.  Yes, we have busy lives.  Yes, it is hard to find spare time.  But I need to decide which friendships to cherish and begin returning to old methods of perfecting them:  phone calls, letters, social engagements.  I can add texts, email, and Facebook to that arsenal; they just shouldn't be the primary means.

The truth is, I am good at making acquaintances, but terrible at lasting friendships.  I have lost touch with those that were once dear to me:  this friend from my childhood, my college "best friends", a friend from one of the places I work who made the place the most enjoyable I have had...too many to list.  I guess I need to work on this so (1) I find out about these personal items in a more personal way than a broadcast message on Facebook and (2) so I have more people to lean on in tough times than Husband, mom, and my sister.

Any suggestions on ways to improve are appreciated.

  

Overrated eBay Success

I may have been too Pollyanna about the success of my eBay sales.  Today, I went to Staples and picked up two envelopes, bubble wrap, and some boxes.  I spent $18.

Then I packaged my four shipments.  I opted to print and pay for shipping labels online.  That cost another $18.48.  I have now spent $36.48 - without having accounted for eBay listing fees.

My income, with shipping, was $58.50.  That leaves a profit of about $22 before eBay fees.  Still, that isn't bad for 2 DVDs on potty training I didn't want, a lamp with a chip in it, a ceramic night light, and two board books.

EBay Success!

I am currently reading a book by Peter Walsh.  One quote struck me, "All the stuff in your house is there because you think it holds answers, evokes memories, contains a promise, or serves a purpose."

He has a point.  We choose to keep our stuff for whatever reason we think is legitimate.  I do not want to be a hoarder like others in my family.  This is why I purge. 

Shortly after we completed the library purge, I posted five things for sale on eBay.  These were things we no longer wanted, but I was loathe to get rid of them because they had perceived value.  What to do?  Post them on eBay and let others determine the value. 

I was surprised by the results, but all five items sold.  If the buyers pay, I will ship them on Saturday.  And I net $30 (not inclusive of shipping).  Not bad for two books, two DVD's (sold as a set), a lamp, and a nightlight.  To think - I actually bought two of the items off eBay at one point.

Now I want to go through the house and find other items I hesitate to get rid of (for whatever reason) and see what they will fetch me!

Valentine's Day 2012 Recap

Everyone who knows me well knows that my favorite holiday is Valentine's Day.  It has been for as long as I remember.  I speculate that it is due to missing my first Valentine's party in kindergarten due to a case of chickenpox.  It was also a holiday that my dad usually worked and could not, therefore, ruin by his moods.

Husband knows that I love the holiday.  It is the one time of year he is required to get me flowers.  He also knows I was spoiled by a father who worked for many years for a florist.  I also work with a group of women and he likes to make them jealous.  This year, I received a stunning arrangement that I was finally able to see this morning.

I started the day by taking 36 cupcakes (18 lemon; 18 red velvet) to work in the cupcake carrier my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas.  I also put Valentine's cards on my co-workers' desks.  They were free from Krispy Kreme when we bought a dozen doughnuts and were each good for a free doughnut.  I had some leftover lollipops from the ones we bought for Hannibal for his class party that I shared.

I only worked until noon-ish and was amazingly productive.  I left and grabbed lunch from Dairy Queen and talked to a friend on the way home.  I ate lunch and sent some emails about Igor's Jump for Heart fundraiser for school.  Then I grabbed a booster for the car and headed to Igor's school for the party.

The party consisted of:
1) making a "flower" out of a tootsie pop, foam, tissue paper, and a rubber band.  Followed by...
2) eating a ton of sugary snacks, followed by
3) a game where the kids were supposed to go around the room and tell their neighbor kid why they liked them in a "unique" way.  This just turned into an elaborate game of telephone.

Then we signed our kids out and could take them home early.

We stopped home, Igor staying in the car and counting his candy, while I grabbed the other car seat.  We surprised Hannibal when I picked him up at preschool instead of his uncle.  He loved it.
Next, Igor lost an after school candy for stomping his feet at me when I told him to hang his coat on the hook instead of the floor.  After his timeout, I took Iago and the boys to dinner at Bob Evans since we would be meeting Husband on campus for swim lessons.  The waitress was confused about why I was buying dinner on Valentine's Day until I explained who Iago was.  She gave the kids cookies and a card.  They colored cards for their dad.

Then we went to swim lessons, followed by pastry and hot chocolate at Panera.  Home, kids to bed, then Husband finished his book while I watched Biggest Loser.  Not the most exciting, romantic day.  Oh, and this morning I got to see the flowers that my husband sent to work that arrived after I left.  I was glad a friend enjoyed them in my absence.

Do Fat People Not Interview?

Today, I had a job interview.  How it came about is a whole separate blog post that I may never do.  To prepare for the interview, I needed to get clothes that fit.  Last night, I went shopping.

First, I went to the Lane Bryant at Easton Town Center.  This one usually has a better selection of work clothes.  It did, but there were only two traditional suit jackets in the store.  Both were pinstriped and didn't come in the size I was.  I tried on some black trousers in a size 26, the size I thought I was.  I couldn't even button them!  I was mortified.  The only size 28 petite black pants were "wide leg.". Really?  I am wide enough already and you want me to look wider?  I looked like I could fly with wings on my legs.  I even tried a different style pant and there was so much room in the hip portion that I could have fit a whole person with me!  I left buying only a beautiful green tank top to wear under a jacket and five pair of panties.

I had a meltdown in the car as I drove toward Catherine's at Polaris, but didn't stop and get Starbucks to make myself feel better.  At Catherine's, there were only two suit jackets in the whole store!  One was a size 30/32.  I tried it on anyway and was pleased to see it was way too big.  The other was cropped at the waist and highlighted my least desirable body part - my stomach.  My sister calls while I am in the store.  I complain about the lack of selection.  There are jackets, but they are not appropriate for an interview!  They are silky, or crocheted, or patterned with big floral patterns.  Do fat people not interview? 

I find pants that fit - in a size 28 - and make my legs look thinner.  I also found a pretty olive ruffled shirt that I bought merely because I wanted to feel better.

Next was Lane Bryant at Polaris.  They typically have more youthful looks.  They have two suits.  One is gray/purple stripe.  It would be fine if I had the job, but not for the interview.  The other was a blue pinstripe.  The jacket came in my size.  The pants, however, did not.  But there was a skirt.  I tried on the set, along with an ivory camisole.  I put the skirt on.  It fits.  Then I try to sit.  It is tight.  I hear a pop.  Luckily, it was just the zipper coming down.  Between that and the fact that I don't own navy shoes, I opted to leave without a purchase.  I cried once I left the store.

Next I went to Kohl's since the jacket I was wearing yesterday came from there.  Nothing suit-like in my size.  I did buy a gray tank and a black purse.

By the time I reached Fashion Bug, there were only five minutes before closing time.  I just need a jacket.  I find a black pinstripe.  I buy it and a white camisole.  I am a mess.  I feel fat.  I am upset that I don't have a matching suit.  I am tired and hungry and thirsty.  And depressed.  Do fat people not interview?  Clearly people who sell our clothes don't think we care what we look like when we do.

I get home at 8:15 to find Husband and the kids playing Lego Pirates of the Caribbean on the Xbox.  It is way past their bedtime, but they wanted to see me before bed.  However, they didn't come over to see me and kept playing their game.  Husband told me my plate of food was in the fridge (Iago cooks on Thursday nights).  I open the fridge, pull out a plate with a heaping of roast pork, two boiled red potatoes, and a "garnish" of green beans.  Husband says, "oh, and there's pie."

He takes the kids up to shower them and put them to bed.  I finish eating and go upstairs to show husband my options.  I try on the black pants, white camisole, and pinstriped jacket.  Husband tells me he thinks it doesn't look right and that he is accustomed to matching suits, "but I don't know women's fashion.". I freak out because it is all I have to wear.  Trying to salvage the situation, he tells me it might be fine if I wore an off white shirt underneath, rather than the stark white camisole.  Well, I don't have one.  I went into the closet and cried.  While in there, I found a black jacket and it matched the pants.  We then tried the green tank, but settled on a wine colored satin tank and a green necklace. 

Then I went down and ate the chocolate silk pie.

(Today, I found that my wine colored silk shirt had spots on it from when I used my hair mousse this morning.  So, I wore a purple/black print sleeveless turtleneck instead.)

Reading is Fundamental

As you can see from my recent posts, our household contains voracious readers.  Right now, my oldest is doing his homework and the youngest is "reading" a book.  Husband is playing Xbox, but only because he has finished all his current books.

As a cost saving measure (and a clutter-saving measure), we have begun going to the library.  The kids love it because each of them has an age-appropriate computer there that they are usually allowed to play for about half an hour before we tell them it's time to go home.  The added bonus is letting them pick out a book.  (Have I mentioned my oldest is reading through the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series while I'm on the treadmill?)  Husband and I have mastered the ability to find books online, have them sent to the library we prefer, and held until we pick them up.  Lately, I have had to stop at the library after work to get books that Husband ordered that would be re-shelved if he hadn't picked them up.

To help us in our book choices, we both have added an app to our phones - and subscribed online - to Goodreads.  For me, this is helpful because I often feel like I've read a book before and now I will be able to check before I check out. The site also has reviews and trivia.  You can join with other people and then you get messages when they rated a book or put it in their "to read" selections.

My choices lately have been one fiction and at least one nonfiction book.  The nonfiction is killing me.  I can finish a novel in a weekend at home.  However, the nonfiction makes me glad for the four weeks the library gives us to finish them!  Right now, for example, I am currently reading the following books:

•  Edible Landscaping by Rosalind Creasy:  I have wanted to plant some things in our yard that bear edible results.  However, my herb experiments are typically a failure.  This is a book on building edible plants into your standard landscaping - a must when you have a homeowner's association that won't let you have a vegetable garden.  It is making me think of trying yet another herb experiment.  However, I get a little annoyed with all the over-the-top "hippie" talk.  Plus, it's more like a textbook, so I'm having a hard time getting through it.
• The HR Value Proposition by Dave Ulrich:  This is considered one of the premier HR books.  It is oft-quoted.  I work in Human Resources.  So I should read this book.  I won the book at an Association luncheon.  I am trying to make myself read the book.
• Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh:  I loved Peter Walsh when he was on Clean Sweep.  I saw those rooms getting de-cluttered and he was my hero.  I remember the months of trying to get my mother to give up the moldy expensive set of books she bought for us kids when we were little because they were "so expensive."  Yes, but they were moldy and I never really liked them as a kid.  They were books that were to be seen in a home library, but not really read by children.  Not my kind of books.  Anyway. . . when I heard Walsh wrote a book about the clutter-fat connection, I had to read it.  After all, I'm typing this in an office where there is little empty space to put a pencil on the desk.  However, I found the book was about weight loss approaches more than anything, so it is now sitting on a shelf while I work through Walsh's original book. . . 
• It's All Too Much:  An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff by Peter Walsh:  So far - one chapter in - I am thinking I need to buy a whole bunch of these books and hand them out at my family reunion as party favors.  Walsh clearly has a way for you to visualize how you want to live.  Now, let's see if that can translate into action for me.  I am a little offended at first by his suggestion that all the self-help books can be thrown away after you read his - that one approach will solve financial, marital, and parenting issues.  We shall see as I read on.

In addition to the library, I have begun watching a few blogs.  I don't have time to read them every day, and some of them aren't published every day.  My favorite lately is The Simple Dollar, which is about reducing your debt, living simply, and still enjoying life.  I really enjoy the author's frank writing style.  Today, as I logged into my "Blogger Dashboard" I saw one of his posts was Ten Personal Finance and Career Books You Should Read.  I diligently added them to my GoodReads list.  This will let me reserve them from the library and start reading them.  I suppose that my current interest is trying to find ways to pinch pennies (an earlier read was 10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget).  Buying these two new cars, unexpected dental work, and a nice Christmas for the family has stretched us.  I am holding my breath until my bonus check comes hoping I don't have to carry a balance on my credit card!  I am a little stressed and I am hoping to find the magic solution in a book; however, I know that it really just means I need to settle back into the belt-tightening ways of my youth.

Speaking of, I have packed up all of the books we purged over the weekend.  Two boxes went to Husband to mail (and they are still in his trunk!) to the bookseller and my friend in Virginia.  There are 5 boxes that will wait until I drag them to an Association luncheon and transfer them to a friend's car.  That's 7 boxes of books leaving my house!!!  One win.

Library Purge - Update

So, spent time scanning (using my phone) the ISBNs from the 50 or so books we are getting rid of.  Tried out two sites:  www.cash4books.net and www.sellbackyourbooks.com.  The first one would only take 5 books and would have given us $15.50, but $8+ was for a book that they wouldn't accept because it was a textbook of mine with lots of underlining in it.  So, I tried the second site and they were willing to take 13 books and will send me a check for $15.49.  Now all I have to do is print out the shipping label, package up the books and mail them within the next 10 days.  Pretty good deal for stuff we don't want, huh?

Library Purge

Our "library" is the one room in the house the kids cannot go without an adult and where the cat is forbidden because it is the winter home for my plants.  The room has become the repository of things without a home.  The grandfather clock is bolted to the wall and a lone bookshelf is against another wall.  That bookshelf is double-loaded with books and DVDs.  A round table in a corner holds the philodendron.  Another corner is stacked with all my cake and candymaking supplies.  A picture of a girl reading in front of a grandfather clock hangs between the two windows.  Underneath one of the windows is a pile of items to post on eBay or freecycle.  The middle of the floor has a large pile of kids' books strewn about.

Today, since Husband is sick, I planned on cleaning out my closet.  However, he wanted to go through the DVDs.  We have decided to donate our old DVDs to the military troops and he already had a box set aside.  What started as a simple task turned into a full blown purge of books, too.  I now have stacks of books that we have moved to the dining room.  They include science fiction, cookbooks, comic books (Far Side, Fox Trot, Dilbert, etc.), romances, old textbooks, reference books, poetry, and more.  Our home is full of voracious readers.

Now, what to do with them?  I found a place online that you can scan the book and see if they will take it.  However, they typically only take books from 2009 or later.  I have yet to scan the books, but doubt they will take many of ours.

Then, Serendipity arrives.  A friend mentions she needs children's books for her classroom in an impoverished area.  I will gladly ship her the kids' books.  Another friend tells me she has a fundraiser at her kids' school where they are collecting books and she can pick up whatever we have.  Now I am happy that we did this today - and that I posted on Facebook about the purge.  We get rid of unwanted stuff to others with a need.  It makes me feel so charitable!

Swimsuits with Skirts

Since we have begun swimming on Saturdays again, I find myself in need of a swimsuit.  I actually have three:  (1) a suit with solid coverage, but at least a size too small, (2) an ugly suit with a skirt that my sister's friend passed on to her, and (3) another suit passed down from my sister's friend that shows altogether too much cleavage.

Today after work, I stopped at Catherine's and Fashion Bug hoping to find a suit that fit.  All they had were suits with skirts.  I hate swimsuits with skirts.

I do not understand why the fashion houses think plus size woman want skirts.  So it is a little extra fabric to cover our large thighs.  But it isn't as if you can hide the rest of your legs that are the size of tree trunks.  We don't fool anyone.

Clearly, they do not think plus size women swim.  I wore one to the pool and all it did was float up, expose the ugly nude netting underneath, and get in my way while I was actually trying to swim.  Swimsuits with skirts are simply not functional.

I don't think anyone thinks they make us look good.  They are like water muumuus.  Water body blankets.  Tents.

I will wait to buy a functional suit and continue to go to the pool and show just a lot too much cleavage.  It isn't like they will be watching me when there are college girls in suits all around them.  Of course, I will enjoy scenery like this when I go to watch swim lessons.