Disenfranchised

Took the afternoon off to handle annual eye exams for Iago, Igor, and myself.  Pleased to find that neither Iago nor I have changed prescriptions.  Igor's exam showed that he is slightly near-sighted, but not enough to need glasses yet but he might by next year.

At home, the boys wanted to play on the Wii, so we went up to the bonus room.  When we went into the closet to find the wheel, we find the entire closet has been rearranged.  We can't find the Wii accessories.  I did find Iago's mini-fridge on one side of the double closet.  The other side had been emptied and all of our stuff moved to the shelf up high where I can barely reach.

When I ask Iago what he is doing with the closet and why he moved all mine and the kids' stuff around, he responds, "I asked [Husband] and he said it was ok.  I'm putting my fridge and office chair in there."  I respond that since most of the items in there were mine or the kids, it would have been nice if he would have asked me.  "[Husband] said it was ok."  So, fine, I told him, I would be mad at Husband and talk to him.

I was angry.  This is the closet I store the toys the kids can't use without permission, Wii accessories, my workout stuff, and our spare, only used for guests linens.  And they were all put up high on a shelf where I can't get to them.  He had cleared the entire bottom portion of the closet to use.

Later, when I asked Husband, he responded to my initial attempt, the response was, "I didn't think it would be an issue."  Of course he didn't. . . he never uses that closet and has no idea what I keep in it.  If he had asked, I would have probably given a portion of the closet.  But he never asked, dismissed the question, and went back to playing on his stupid work iPad.  I was mad.  Really mad.

And here is where my thought process went:  I feel as if I have no say in this house.  When Iago wants something, he goes to Husband and Husband makes a decision on his own and tells me about it later.  I feel left out of any decision making that impacts me and my house.  I felt dismissed and belittled for even bringing it up.  I felt impotent and, as the title implies, disenfranchised.

Then I began to think of other places where Iago is encroaching on my space and was given permission by Husband without asking me.  The kitchen. . . I offered to give him one side of one cabinet.  He now has both sides of the cabinet.  I didn't fight that much because I didn't need the cabinet space there.  However, when he lost his thumb drive that he keeps in the kitchen cabinet (really?  well, I shouldn't be surprised, he has a toothbrush and toothpaste and other stuff in there, too), I came home to the kids going through my "mail center" beneath his cabinet, moving all my sorted piles around looking for the thumb drive he lost.

I also have a cabinet in the kitchen where I keep my stuff.  Just my stuff.  You know, the baking pans I don't want them to use because they won't clean them properly, my icing stand, my crock pot and mini crock pot, my hand blender, my pie plates, and the nice platters we use for hosted dinners like Thanksgiving.  I open it one day and find a sack of potatoes on top of my nice platters.  Husband told him it was ok since he needed space for the potatoes.  WE HAVE A POTATO BIN!!!  But, of course, Iago won't use it because one time Husband let some food go bad in the potato bin.  So now he puts his nice, dirty potato bag on top of my platters.  I won't mention how some of them have gone bad. . .

In the hall closet, he has taken over 2 shelves of our linen closet, leaving us 2 shelves for the remaining 4 people in the house.  So this is my thought process while I'm stewing downstairs waiting for Husband to be ready to go out to dinner.

He comes down says, "I was in the middle of something when you asked me.  [Iago] asked me a couple days ago, I didn't think it would be an issue, and I told him I'd talk to you.  I forgot.  If you're mad, be mad at me."

I told him I was mad at him.  Then I explained what the closet is used for, the fact that we'd talked about converting it into a second floor laundry room.  He waved that all off and said the laundry room was many years off and we'd deal with it then.  I told him I had no space on the floor of the closet.  He told me he thought Iago only needed half of the closet.  I explained that Iago took the whole closet except for the top shelf.  That wasn't his understanding and he hadn't told Iago he could have it yet, just that he would check with me.  The discussion ended and we went to dinner.

Then before bed, we argued again.  Yes, I started it.  But I didn't think this was closed.  I don't want to give him my closet.  I already let him live here.  I let his weird requirements impact my (and my kids') daily living, I am not giving him more of my space.  If he had asked me, I would have given him half the closet.  But now. . . when he can't even ask me himself?  No.  I am tired of being left out.  He can ask me.

I made the statement that Iago could have asked me.  Husband said, "He is afraid to ask you for things."  I probably completely pissed off my Husband when I said, "No, he is afraid to ask me for things when he knows I'll say no so he goes to you instead.  He has no trouble asking me for other things."  As I think about it, it's probably not true.  But I am tired of having him treat me, in front of my kids, as if I don't exist or have any power in this house.  I don't like feeling impotent and powerless.  I don't like feeling dismissed.  I don't like feeling as if my feelings don't matter.

The other part to remember is that Husband said, "I didn't tell him it was ok, I told him I'd talk to you.  Then I forgot.  It was only 2 days ago."  Well, Iago has taken that as permission.  Me to Husband, "He told me you said it was ok.  It's like what our kids will do when they're teenagers, going to one of us and then telling the other one that the first said it was ok when there wasn't really a decision."

I'm so mad still.  And depressed.  And, oh, wait, Husband is angry too and taking it out on me.  Which doesn't feel good either.

Herb Experiment #4: Update on plantings

Since most of the family is in bed (Husband and Hannibal are both vomiting this evening), I thought it might be time to give an update on how Herb Experiment #4 is going.  This weekend, while Husband took the boys to swim lessons, I stayed home and potted plants into containers.  

First was the pumpkin.  I think I will have to sneak the pumpkin into the ground somewhere.  We're technically not allowed to have a vegetable garden based on our homeowner's association, so I think I'll have to find an out of the way spot for the pumpkin.  Everything I've read says you can do container pumpkins, but only if you go with small varieties.  The boys happened to pick seeds for a 10 pound pumpkin. . . The pumpkin is in the white pot with the trellis for the vine.

We also had bought a cherry tomato plant.  Just one.  It's in the reddish-brown pot with the trellis.  I'm hoping to let the kids eat some cherry tomatoes off the vine.  In the little green container, I potted the cilantro Iago asked for at Meijer.  I am hoping they come back from their wilted state since they weren't very robust to begin with.  We also picked up some thyme at Meijer and planted it in the blue planter in front.  These are all part of the herb experiment, but not original plantings.

In the original purchase and herb planting, I planted rosemary, basil, and strawberries. They are thriving as you can see in the picture.  The strawberries have already yielded 2 edible strawberries, puny in size but really sweet.  We continue to watch.  I just moved all the plants out onto the patio this Sunday from their location in the sunroom, so I'm hoping that will help speed growth.  I can also water them easier from the hose (thought the rain tonight means I don't have to water!).  The placement on the patio means that when we have our windows open, the fresh scents of basil and rosemary waft into my house.

Once that was done, I moved the philodendron from the Library out to the Sunroom (see below) onto a new plant stand we bought.  The aloe plant is on the bottom shelf, but needs to have a new pot since it's been dangerously leaning.  We also had picked up some plants from a garden center using a Groupon.  One was for a variegated houseplant that I put in a hanging basket.  Now to find a place to hang it inside. . . I also separated my violets from 2 pots into 5 separate pots.  I'm hoping they survive.

On the outside of the house, I laid out some snapdragons and some coleus in a pattern.  We have a guy who came over later on Sunday who is going to do our weeding and mulching for us.  He will also plant my annuals.  Now to get the pond in shape, separate and pot the baby spider plant shoots, and clean the inside of the house.  Have I mentioned yet that we're hosting Husband's mom's family over Memorial Day Weekend?

Freezing!

It is 59 degrees (Fahrenheit) in our house right now.  It had been beautiful, summery weather.  We turned off our heat and then got hit with a huge cold spell.  Good thing my container plants are in the sunroom, along with the flat of snapdragons I picked up to plant along the back wall of the sunroom.  I had a Groupon for a $30 worth of plants for $15 from a garden center not far from here.  With it, I bought the flat of yellow snapdragons (an annual), 3 coleus to accent the snapdragons, a houseplant, and one cherry tomato plant.  They are all sitting unplanted in my sunroom - keeping safe from the frigid indoor temperatures.

I am sitting in the living room, using the Association's laptop, and sitting with a cat on my lap (she's cold), wrapped inside a snuggy and under 2 blankets.  We will not turn on the heat again until November.  My hands are sort of blue.  Great sleep and snuggle weather.  Too bad Husband is working late in the back office.

Back on the Wii Again

I hate walking on the treadmill.  I do it because it's exercise and it's something.  The lame idea to have my son read to me while I walk turned a monotonous exercise into pure torture.  I began to hate to work out and would come up with all sorts of excuses to give my son on why I would not walk on the treadmill each night:

• I have a migraine
• You only have 15 minutes until bedtime, so just read to me in your bedroom.
• My back hurts
• I had a rough day at work
• I ate too much at dinner

I was forgetting one of the fundamental rules of exercise:  Find Something You Enjoy.  Otherwise, it's a chore just like all the other chores I have to do at work and at home.

This week, I decided to pull out my Wii again.  I loved my Wii.  The kids play it all the time.  I have lots of "games" for it, including Wii Fit (and Wii Fit Plus), My Fitness Coach, Just Dance, etc.  Over the weekend, the kids played the Smurf Dance Party game and I joined in.  The music was TERRIBLE, but the kids enjoyed it and we had some fun.  

Later in the week, I pulled out my balance board.  While the weight limit indicates 330 lbs., and I am under 330 lbs., I have found that when I am heavier that it often loses connection while I'm using it - particularly when doing my favorite Wii workouts.  My favorite is the rhythm boxing and the step aerobics.  I like step aerobics, but can never get the foot movements right because I am hopelessly uncoordinated.  The Wii shows me where to put my feet and I usually do really well.  I have also bought a riser for it, so it's a higher step than the standard Wii board, which I always thought was a joke for step aerobics with how low to the ground it was.

The first night, I lost connection 6 times and was frustrated and feeling fat.  So I moved to some of the yoga moves and stretching which should help with my back.  I enjoyed it, but I'm feeling it.  The second night, the weight (which is not as accurate when you're heavier) weighed me in 5 lbs. less than the previous night.  I was able to get through 20 minutes with only 2 disconnections.  Last night, I weighed in 7 lbs. heaver than the previous night (did I mention the unreliability at the higher weights?) and I lost connection about 7 times in the 22 minute workout I created using the Wii Fit Plus.  It was frustrating.

I only worked off about 146 calories.  But I was sweating like crazy (doesn't happen as much on the treadmill) and I was having fun.  I'm going to try to keep it up so I can get the weight down to where I don't lose connection anymore.  The main problem is the oldest won't read to me while I'm on the Wii because he wants to play the Wii.  I think he's going to have to start reading to himself in his bed again. . . . 

Small Update

Herb Experiment #4 is progressing.  Since they are in the sunroom, the basil, the rosemary, and the strawberries have not frozen.  The kids help me remember to water them (sort of).  They were super-excited to see one of the pumpkin seeds has sprouted.  Now I need to think of a container to grow the pumpkin in. . . I am also thinking of purchasing a planter to grow tomatoes in and a planter for green beans.  Not sure that will happen this year.

Mileage update:  Took a trip to Cleveland.  My average gas mileage is now up to 23.6.  Don't expect it to last.

Weight Watchers:  I had rejoined Weight Watchers at work and did well initially, but fell off when I had to remove the app from my phone because it took up too much space.  Now I just have to get back to logging on myfitnesspal - the app that doesn't take much space on my phone at all in comparison.

That's about it.  Busy at work.  And now I have to run because the oldest is "still hungry."  He's always hungry.  And he's not even a teenager yet!

Cold & Germs

It is cold today.  Goosebump-covered arms, warm snuggly blanket, beg the cat to sit on your lap cold.  Once we turn off the heat, it stays off.  Temperatures here in the evening will drop just below freezing, but we will "power through" under blankets, in flannel, and sharing body warmth.

I didn't want to work out tonight, but I couldn't disappoint the oldest.  I removed my relatively warm, body temperature warmed clothes and changed into frigid workout clothes.  My goosebumps had goosebumps.  My legs hurt from squats over the weekend while cleaning the bathrooms.  But I still hopped on the treadmill and did 1.22 miles (232 calories) while my son read more of the Wimpy kid series.

Husband came in with Hannibal and asked, "the sponge in the bathroom isn't brand new, is it?"

"The purple one.  No, not really.  Why?"

"Hannibal put it in his mouth."

Gross!  That kid puts everything in his mouth.  It is a good thing I use that sponge to clean the bathroom with only vinegar, dawn dishwashing liquid, and water.  After discussion, Husband was glad to hear I didn't clean the toilet with the sponge.  No, I use the toilet brush and Clorox wipes for that.  However, I did clean the shower walls with it and wiped down the counter.  Not exactly germ-free. 

Husband took Hannibal to bed, explaining to him how he could get sick putting the sponge in his mouth.  At least they weren't caustic chemicals.  We really need to get that kid to realize that only food goes in your mouth.

Improved Gas Mileage

Over a month ago, I read one of the blog posts on The Simple Dollar about Practicing Good Gas Conservation. I'll admit, I had heard of hypermiling, but I had to look it up from the blog post as well.  Most of the tips were pretty simple, and like the author of The Simple Dollar, I don't go to the extremes of hypermiling.  I decided to try it.

What you must first know is that I drive back roads to work rather than the standard stop and go to get the highway during rush hour.  The back roads allow me to drive mostly continuously.  The only problems are the frequent stop signs/traffic lights, lots of hills, a few railroad tracks, and only one lane in either direction (with slow drivers, agricultural vehicles, etc.).  Also, most of the stop signs are at the bottom of the hills, so you have to accelerate to get up the hills.

The first couple of days, I watched my instant MPG on my new car.  What a great feature!  I was surprised by the areas where I could get better mileage by coasting to the stops or accelerating as I went down a hill so I would have speed to get over the next hill (as long as it didn't have a stop sign).  I was able to gain some here and there.  But, I'll admit, I threw most of my learning out the window when I had someone behind me.  Most of the people around here seem to be pretty impatient to get to that stop sign.  I suppose I will have to learn to "not care about what other people think," but that will be a harder personality trait to change and I doubt simple math will get me there.

After about a month, I have realized a small amount of savings - I went from 23.2 mpg to 23.4.  Not earth-shattering, but the experiment did make me more aware of where I was wasting gas.  I continue to refine it and would like to see 23.5 by summer.  Of course, that won't be much savings, but with gas expected to cost over $4/gallon in our area by then, every little bit helps our bottom line.

Herb Experiment #4 - with fruit

It must be spring.  I did it again - I bought herbs.  I don't know why.  The results of the first three herb experiments chronicled here should clearly spell out the doom these particular plants face.  While I made progress with the last experiment, the basil lasted just a couple months, the failure was complete.

I did make more of an effort this year by reading the Rosalind Creasey book Edible Landscaping.  She gave me some hints, including these:

• Find a full sun location - my back patio should serve well
• Use well-draining soil - I re-used some potting soil from some of the earlier failed experiments, more from the dead rue left in the sunroom that had some stones and broken clay pot interspersed, combined with some new potting soil from an unopened bag leftover from last year.  
• Start small - well. . . I ignored this one, but she would probably have thought my purchase was small in comparison to what she plants.
• Separate young plants and transplant them singly - I bought individual plants in biodegradable pots.  I had to peel off the bottom of them and then pot them in the soil.  I was putting mine in containers, rather than a portion of my yard.
• Annual herbs need an inch of water per week - and this is where I usually fail.  I gave them a nice soaking.  The kids were told to remind me to water them.

We bought the plants yesterday at Home Depot.  Our haul included 2 basil plants, 2 rosemary plants, and 4 strawberry plants.  Hannibal was particularly excited and promised to help me plant. Both wanted me to do "Pop Bottle Science" (based on a book from their favorite aunt) and plant something in a pop bottle.  I decided instead to create a "biome" with a clear round vessel and some plastic wrap to start the pumpkin seeds the eldest wanted to grow.

This morning, I invited the boys to help me, but they were too interested in playing another hour of LEGO Batman on the XBox.  I was disappointed, but went ahead with my plans.  (Okay, I was a LOT disappointed.)  I did my chores anyway, as I didn't want the plants to fail immediately.

First, I created the biome.  I put some pebbles on the bottom, put in about 2 inches of soil, created a little trench, then put in 4 pumpkin seeds.  I covered them up, watered the soil well until I saw the water in the pebbles, and then covered the glass container with plastic wrap.  I placed the container in the sunroom in the sunniest corner on the table that formerly housed Herb Experiment #2.

Next I brought in the planter from the front porch - home of failed Herb Experiment #3.  I was going to put in both the basil and the rosemary into this planter, but they looked a little crowded.  Instead, in went the basil and one strawberry plant.  Then I found two more planters in the garage and put the remaining 3 strawberry plants into one and the rosemary into the other.  Afterwards, I took them out to the patio and watered them thoroughly with the hose.  This is the result:



I thought they would do fine outside since they were being sold at an outdoor portion of Home Depot and I doubt they are taken in each night.  However, after reviewing the weather forecast, I brought them back into the sunroom.  Despite the summer-like weather we've had in Ohio these days, it is still March and some frost may still occur.  The sunroom will protect them for a little bit.

So, I need to go out and check on them frequently and water them.  I will need to check the biome for sprouting of the pumpkin.  Once the pumpkin has sprouted, I will need to poke air holes in the biome.  Once established enough to transplant, I must find their final location - one of my flower beds in the backyard OR into a container once they have sprouted.

A new year, a new spring.  Let's see how this one goes. . . .

Driveway Parking

Oh, and I really must share this story about Iago - some of you live for these stories.  On Friday, we decided to meet Husband at Old Bag of' Nails for dinner.  This was a mistake, as it is an Irish Pub the night before St. Patrick's Day.  It was crowded and they filled the aisles with these urchins doing Irish folk dancing and passing a hat around for donations.  Too bad my purse was at home and I don't carry cash anyway.

I also ordered the broiled Tilapia, trying to be good, and discovering how much I really hate fish.  Husband shared one of his breaded shrimp with me and I was so disappointed I hadn't ordered my usual.  But, I saved calories by not eating most of my dinner - I ate wild rice and broccoli and only a few bites of the fish.

The real story, however, was on the drive to the restaurant.  I asked Iago to drive the van so that we didn't have to change the seating position, the mirrors, etc.  Even though we've eaten there many times, I had to provide Iago with directions (it's a route with only one right turn and one left turn).

As we backed out the driveway, Iago said, "Oh, I need to tell you what I told [Husband].  I don't look behind me until I'm out of the garage, so if you park in the driveway, you had better tell me.  [Husband] parked in the driveway and didn't tell me and I was backing out and almost hit his new car."

Seriously?  You don't look before you back out of the driveway?  What the hell is wrong with you?  We have kids who play in the neighborhood!  (This is in my brain.  I can't say all this out loud immediately. . . though I do get to it later.)

Me:  "You really need to look before you back out.  There could be kids."
Iago:  "In our driveway?  Other people's kids?  Why would they be in our driveway?  And if they are, that's their fault.  They shouldn't be in our driveway."

What is wrong with you???  Kids play.  They don't care about artificial boundaries.  Oh, god, you're going to back over one of them someday.

Me:  "You need to look out the back before you back out of the garage."
Iago:  "I'm just telling you that if you park in the driveway, you should tell me.  If I hit your car and you didn't tell me, it's your fault."

Why do we let you drive?  You clearly don't have enough responsibility.  And we let you have our children in the car.

Me:  "No.  You need to look before you back out of the driveway.  If you hit something, it's your fault.  What if you run over someone in the driveway?"
Iago:  "They shouldn't be in our driveway."
Me:  "No, you are required to look before you back up.  That's part of driving."

I could continue, but at this point, I wasn't getting through to him.  Husband and I talked later and we had the same thoughts, but neither of us feel we really got through to Iago.  So now if we park in the driveway and he is leaving the garage, we need to make sure we tell him so he doesn't hit our car.  How dumb is that?

It comes as no surprise that Husband was concerned when we made the decision that Iago would get to drive Husband's new Camry home while we took the van and stopped at the grocery store on the way home.  Husband cringed the whole time Iago was backing out of his parking space, but breathed a sigh of relief as Iago made the difficult left-hand turn to head home.  Iago even texted Husband to let him know he made it home safe and sound.  I saw Husband's shoulders visibly relax when he got that text.

Basketball, Chocolates, and Words with Friends

This weekend, blessed with good weather, has felt blissfully long.  I return to work tomorrow feeling well rested.  The kids begin Spring Break, with Uncle Iago somewhat concerned about how he will keep them entertained at home for a week.  Husband and I are both really busy at work, so time off is not possible.

Our weekend consisted mainly of watching our NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament brackets.  When I left work on Friday, I was still in the lead of the competition we have going on there.  Husband is yo-yo-ing on his ESPN, but is currently somewhere above 98th percentile.  Basketball is my favorite sport to watch and I have always enjoyed March Madness, even though the nature and timing of my job rarely lets me watch it.

We watched some basketball, we took the kids to the library, we played some Star Wars Trouble (a version of the board game Trouble, but with the added fun of R2-D2), ate chocolates, chocolate milkshakes, and took the weekend with ease while still appeasing their need to do some fun activities.

Husband and I also discovered the Zynga game, Words with Friends.  It was shocking to see that my husband has never played Scrabble (which is essentially what Words with Friends is).  We have been together over 16 years and he has never played.  We played Words with Friends twice yesterday and he beat me both times.  We sit here tonight on the couch, with basketball on the big television, the windows open, and laptops perched on our lap playing Words with Friends and not really talking. unless it's about the fact that Kansas is down against Purdue and how that will impact our brackets.

This is a good weekend.

Iago's Expensive Teeth

As I've posted before, Iago's teeth are pretty bad.  Yesterday, he finally had his appointment for his cleaning and exam after four delays for various reasons on Iago's part.  In addition, one of the onlays the dentist had put in had fallen out.  The nice part about that was that the dentist fixed it for free since it was one that he had put into Iago's mouth.

This time, the dentist pressured Iago regarding his plan for Iago's teeth.  Iago needs 6 crowns on his front teeth.  This comes with a whopping price tag of $7,200.  Our dental plan only covers $1,200 annually.  This would leave us with a $6,000 dental bill.  The dentist kindly informed Iago that he wouldn't charge him any "build up" fees.  How nice of him.  But he insisted that Iago needed the work done or he would "lose the teeth."  They even provided him with information on a payment plan - which we already have and I'm still making payments on ($675 left to go) from both mine & Husband's unexpected dental work from last year.

Iago continued to defer and told the dentist he didn't think it would get done.  Husband reached out to some local friends and asked for referrals for a new dentist.  I agree.  I'm done with this dentist.  Especially now that he has radio ads.  Yes, I said radio ads.  He is advertising his new "cosmetic dentistry."  They offer facials, massages, and botox injections in the same office.  I think I'm paying for the large fish tank he had installed in his entry.  I think he recommends expensive treatment plans and caters to those who have money.  We don't have that kind of cash.

We will look for a second opinion.  However, I know he needs at least 1 or 2 crowns.  Which means that my bonus check will once again go towards taxes, teeth, and bills.  It was supposed to pay for taxes, braces for me (with the thought that they would relieve some of these migraines), and our vacation this year (either Disney World with the family or Paris with my sister).

I'm tired of giving up my hard-earned bonuses to pay for teeth.  Last year, according to my Quicken account, we spent $4,711.70 on dental bills (plus an additional $875 that carried over to this year) and another $630 on orthodontia for Igor (we are still making payments of $125 a month on those through June of this year).  This is a little insane.  And I know I need one tooth fixed (onlay or crown) and several other cavities.  We delayed them until this year for the benefits.  Now I want a second opinion, too.  I just have lost trust in this dentist.

Family Circle Magazine - 4 years for $15.96!

On Facebook, I clicked "like" on the "The Krazy Coupon Lady" after seeing that some friends had.  Now my Facebook newsfeed is filled with updates like, "Diaper & Wipes deals" (don't care about those anymore!), "Las Vegas Hotels from $59.00 and more!" (don't care), "Game Day:  How to get Great Tickets for Less" (might care), and "New Target Coupons:  Oscar Mayer, Purina, and more!"  Since my recent focus is to try to find some extra cash, being broke and on a "no non-discretionary spending" rule until my bonus check comes in April.  But I saw a post and had to spend the money:  "Family Circle Magazine for Only $3.99 per year!"

So, I clicked on the link and the details took me to a website, www.discountmags.com, where I could select Family Circle magazine, choose the number of years for a subscription (I chose 4), and then enter a coupon code (KRAZY) and get all 4 years for only $15.96!  Before the discount, the four year subscription would have cost $48 & change.  Then, to make matters even better, I was able to pay for it using my PayPal account!  That was fabulous, as I basically just used the money I earned from selling items on eBay to finance something I enjoy reading for the next four years.  My useless junk just turned into something useful! Hooray!

Now, where to find some more "useless" junk. . .

As an aside, I also signed up for MindfieldOnline, an online market research form.  For completing surveys of 5-20 minutes long, I earn from $1-$2.  Unfortunately, I have been disqualified from several, but right now I have $4 pending just for using spare time on my smartphone to complete a couple market research surveys.  Pretty easy money.  I learned about that from the Krazy Coupon Lady, too.  She advertised another one and I'm sorely tempted.  It's not much, but it adds up.  And we could use it right now.

Facebook friendships and news

Once upon a time, we kept in touch with our friends through phone calls, letters, lunches, and parties.  Then came email and later Facebook.  We now can keep up with a lot more friends, but those interactions are much more superficial.  We rely on posts that often lose meaning without the backstory a maintained friendship provides.  In addition, people post with a social desirability filter, often portraying themselves in a way that supports their own perceived persona.  True friends see through this.

I enjoy Facebook and check it pretty frequently to keep up with friends and acquaintances alike.  However, Facebook should not be my primary source of news, particularly of the happenings of those near and dear to me.  Unfortunately, that is what it has become. 

The other day, I checked Facebook at lunch and was saddened by the tragedy of the shooting at Chardon High School back near my old hometown. While I have no current direct contact with the school, many of my Facebook friends do.  I share their pain and pray for the families.

I have also been informed of more personal news via Facebook posts:  the death of a family member, a friend's new baby, a sister's car accident.  It rankles when this impersonal method is used to deliver such personal news.  It saddens me that my main source of news of my brother's life is via Facebook.

However, what made me begin this post is the recent discovery of a friend's cancer via an invitation over Facebook to a benefit in his honor.  He was a person who ran in my brother's circle of friends when I was younger.  He is married to a friend of mine who I, once upon a time, considered the little sister I never had.  She and I grew up a street apart.  I accompanied her family on some of their summer vacations.  I introduced her to my church, my youth group, and, well, her husband.  I am not sure what happened, but we grew apart.  If it weren't for Facebook, we probably would only remain in touch of each other's happenings through other friends we maintained in common.    However, this cancer news saddens me.  I pray for their family.

I am reminded of a portion of the Alpha Gamma Delta Purpose:  "To cultivate acquaintance with many whom I meet.  To cherish friendships with but a chosen few and to study the perfecting of those friendships."

Facebook allows us to continue to cultivate those acquaintances.  However, it takes us away from cherishing those friendships and perfecting them because we remain so impersonal in our interactions.  Facebook should not be our primary source of news of a personal nature.  It should not be our primary means of contact.  Yes, we have busy lives.  Yes, it is hard to find spare time.  But I need to decide which friendships to cherish and begin returning to old methods of perfecting them:  phone calls, letters, social engagements.  I can add texts, email, and Facebook to that arsenal; they just shouldn't be the primary means.

The truth is, I am good at making acquaintances, but terrible at lasting friendships.  I have lost touch with those that were once dear to me:  this friend from my childhood, my college "best friends", a friend from one of the places I work who made the place the most enjoyable I have had...too many to list.  I guess I need to work on this so (1) I find out about these personal items in a more personal way than a broadcast message on Facebook and (2) so I have more people to lean on in tough times than Husband, mom, and my sister.

Any suggestions on ways to improve are appreciated.

  

Overrated eBay Success

I may have been too Pollyanna about the success of my eBay sales.  Today, I went to Staples and picked up two envelopes, bubble wrap, and some boxes.  I spent $18.

Then I packaged my four shipments.  I opted to print and pay for shipping labels online.  That cost another $18.48.  I have now spent $36.48 - without having accounted for eBay listing fees.

My income, with shipping, was $58.50.  That leaves a profit of about $22 before eBay fees.  Still, that isn't bad for 2 DVDs on potty training I didn't want, a lamp with a chip in it, a ceramic night light, and two board books.

EBay Success!

I am currently reading a book by Peter Walsh.  One quote struck me, "All the stuff in your house is there because you think it holds answers, evokes memories, contains a promise, or serves a purpose."

He has a point.  We choose to keep our stuff for whatever reason we think is legitimate.  I do not want to be a hoarder like others in my family.  This is why I purge. 

Shortly after we completed the library purge, I posted five things for sale on eBay.  These were things we no longer wanted, but I was loathe to get rid of them because they had perceived value.  What to do?  Post them on eBay and let others determine the value. 

I was surprised by the results, but all five items sold.  If the buyers pay, I will ship them on Saturday.  And I net $30 (not inclusive of shipping).  Not bad for two books, two DVD's (sold as a set), a lamp, and a nightlight.  To think - I actually bought two of the items off eBay at one point.

Now I want to go through the house and find other items I hesitate to get rid of (for whatever reason) and see what they will fetch me!

Valentine's Day 2012 Recap

Everyone who knows me well knows that my favorite holiday is Valentine's Day.  It has been for as long as I remember.  I speculate that it is due to missing my first Valentine's party in kindergarten due to a case of chickenpox.  It was also a holiday that my dad usually worked and could not, therefore, ruin by his moods.

Husband knows that I love the holiday.  It is the one time of year he is required to get me flowers.  He also knows I was spoiled by a father who worked for many years for a florist.  I also work with a group of women and he likes to make them jealous.  This year, I received a stunning arrangement that I was finally able to see this morning.

I started the day by taking 36 cupcakes (18 lemon; 18 red velvet) to work in the cupcake carrier my sister-in-law gave me for Christmas.  I also put Valentine's cards on my co-workers' desks.  They were free from Krispy Kreme when we bought a dozen doughnuts and were each good for a free doughnut.  I had some leftover lollipops from the ones we bought for Hannibal for his class party that I shared.

I only worked until noon-ish and was amazingly productive.  I left and grabbed lunch from Dairy Queen and talked to a friend on the way home.  I ate lunch and sent some emails about Igor's Jump for Heart fundraiser for school.  Then I grabbed a booster for the car and headed to Igor's school for the party.

The party consisted of:
1) making a "flower" out of a tootsie pop, foam, tissue paper, and a rubber band.  Followed by...
2) eating a ton of sugary snacks, followed by
3) a game where the kids were supposed to go around the room and tell their neighbor kid why they liked them in a "unique" way.  This just turned into an elaborate game of telephone.

Then we signed our kids out and could take them home early.

We stopped home, Igor staying in the car and counting his candy, while I grabbed the other car seat.  We surprised Hannibal when I picked him up at preschool instead of his uncle.  He loved it.
Next, Igor lost an after school candy for stomping his feet at me when I told him to hang his coat on the hook instead of the floor.  After his timeout, I took Iago and the boys to dinner at Bob Evans since we would be meeting Husband on campus for swim lessons.  The waitress was confused about why I was buying dinner on Valentine's Day until I explained who Iago was.  She gave the kids cookies and a card.  They colored cards for their dad.

Then we went to swim lessons, followed by pastry and hot chocolate at Panera.  Home, kids to bed, then Husband finished his book while I watched Biggest Loser.  Not the most exciting, romantic day.  Oh, and this morning I got to see the flowers that my husband sent to work that arrived after I left.  I was glad a friend enjoyed them in my absence.

Do Fat People Not Interview?

Today, I had a job interview.  How it came about is a whole separate blog post that I may never do.  To prepare for the interview, I needed to get clothes that fit.  Last night, I went shopping.

First, I went to the Lane Bryant at Easton Town Center.  This one usually has a better selection of work clothes.  It did, but there were only two traditional suit jackets in the store.  Both were pinstriped and didn't come in the size I was.  I tried on some black trousers in a size 26, the size I thought I was.  I couldn't even button them!  I was mortified.  The only size 28 petite black pants were "wide leg.". Really?  I am wide enough already and you want me to look wider?  I looked like I could fly with wings on my legs.  I even tried a different style pant and there was so much room in the hip portion that I could have fit a whole person with me!  I left buying only a beautiful green tank top to wear under a jacket and five pair of panties.

I had a meltdown in the car as I drove toward Catherine's at Polaris, but didn't stop and get Starbucks to make myself feel better.  At Catherine's, there were only two suit jackets in the whole store!  One was a size 30/32.  I tried it on anyway and was pleased to see it was way too big.  The other was cropped at the waist and highlighted my least desirable body part - my stomach.  My sister calls while I am in the store.  I complain about the lack of selection.  There are jackets, but they are not appropriate for an interview!  They are silky, or crocheted, or patterned with big floral patterns.  Do fat people not interview? 

I find pants that fit - in a size 28 - and make my legs look thinner.  I also found a pretty olive ruffled shirt that I bought merely because I wanted to feel better.

Next was Lane Bryant at Polaris.  They typically have more youthful looks.  They have two suits.  One is gray/purple stripe.  It would be fine if I had the job, but not for the interview.  The other was a blue pinstripe.  The jacket came in my size.  The pants, however, did not.  But there was a skirt.  I tried on the set, along with an ivory camisole.  I put the skirt on.  It fits.  Then I try to sit.  It is tight.  I hear a pop.  Luckily, it was just the zipper coming down.  Between that and the fact that I don't own navy shoes, I opted to leave without a purchase.  I cried once I left the store.

Next I went to Kohl's since the jacket I was wearing yesterday came from there.  Nothing suit-like in my size.  I did buy a gray tank and a black purse.

By the time I reached Fashion Bug, there were only five minutes before closing time.  I just need a jacket.  I find a black pinstripe.  I buy it and a white camisole.  I am a mess.  I feel fat.  I am upset that I don't have a matching suit.  I am tired and hungry and thirsty.  And depressed.  Do fat people not interview?  Clearly people who sell our clothes don't think we care what we look like when we do.

I get home at 8:15 to find Husband and the kids playing Lego Pirates of the Caribbean on the Xbox.  It is way past their bedtime, but they wanted to see me before bed.  However, they didn't come over to see me and kept playing their game.  Husband told me my plate of food was in the fridge (Iago cooks on Thursday nights).  I open the fridge, pull out a plate with a heaping of roast pork, two boiled red potatoes, and a "garnish" of green beans.  Husband says, "oh, and there's pie."

He takes the kids up to shower them and put them to bed.  I finish eating and go upstairs to show husband my options.  I try on the black pants, white camisole, and pinstriped jacket.  Husband tells me he thinks it doesn't look right and that he is accustomed to matching suits, "but I don't know women's fashion.". I freak out because it is all I have to wear.  Trying to salvage the situation, he tells me it might be fine if I wore an off white shirt underneath, rather than the stark white camisole.  Well, I don't have one.  I went into the closet and cried.  While in there, I found a black jacket and it matched the pants.  We then tried the green tank, but settled on a wine colored satin tank and a green necklace. 

Then I went down and ate the chocolate silk pie.

(Today, I found that my wine colored silk shirt had spots on it from when I used my hair mousse this morning.  So, I wore a purple/black print sleeveless turtleneck instead.)

Reading is Fundamental

As you can see from my recent posts, our household contains voracious readers.  Right now, my oldest is doing his homework and the youngest is "reading" a book.  Husband is playing Xbox, but only because he has finished all his current books.

As a cost saving measure (and a clutter-saving measure), we have begun going to the library.  The kids love it because each of them has an age-appropriate computer there that they are usually allowed to play for about half an hour before we tell them it's time to go home.  The added bonus is letting them pick out a book.  (Have I mentioned my oldest is reading through the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series while I'm on the treadmill?)  Husband and I have mastered the ability to find books online, have them sent to the library we prefer, and held until we pick them up.  Lately, I have had to stop at the library after work to get books that Husband ordered that would be re-shelved if he hadn't picked them up.

To help us in our book choices, we both have added an app to our phones - and subscribed online - to Goodreads.  For me, this is helpful because I often feel like I've read a book before and now I will be able to check before I check out. The site also has reviews and trivia.  You can join with other people and then you get messages when they rated a book or put it in their "to read" selections.

My choices lately have been one fiction and at least one nonfiction book.  The nonfiction is killing me.  I can finish a novel in a weekend at home.  However, the nonfiction makes me glad for the four weeks the library gives us to finish them!  Right now, for example, I am currently reading the following books:

•  Edible Landscaping by Rosalind Creasy:  I have wanted to plant some things in our yard that bear edible results.  However, my herb experiments are typically a failure.  This is a book on building edible plants into your standard landscaping - a must when you have a homeowner's association that won't let you have a vegetable garden.  It is making me think of trying yet another herb experiment.  However, I get a little annoyed with all the over-the-top "hippie" talk.  Plus, it's more like a textbook, so I'm having a hard time getting through it.
• The HR Value Proposition by Dave Ulrich:  This is considered one of the premier HR books.  It is oft-quoted.  I work in Human Resources.  So I should read this book.  I won the book at an Association luncheon.  I am trying to make myself read the book.
• Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh:  I loved Peter Walsh when he was on Clean Sweep.  I saw those rooms getting de-cluttered and he was my hero.  I remember the months of trying to get my mother to give up the moldy expensive set of books she bought for us kids when we were little because they were "so expensive."  Yes, but they were moldy and I never really liked them as a kid.  They were books that were to be seen in a home library, but not really read by children.  Not my kind of books.  Anyway. . . when I heard Walsh wrote a book about the clutter-fat connection, I had to read it.  After all, I'm typing this in an office where there is little empty space to put a pencil on the desk.  However, I found the book was about weight loss approaches more than anything, so it is now sitting on a shelf while I work through Walsh's original book. . . 
• It's All Too Much:  An Easy Plan for Living a Richer Life with Less Stuff by Peter Walsh:  So far - one chapter in - I am thinking I need to buy a whole bunch of these books and hand them out at my family reunion as party favors.  Walsh clearly has a way for you to visualize how you want to live.  Now, let's see if that can translate into action for me.  I am a little offended at first by his suggestion that all the self-help books can be thrown away after you read his - that one approach will solve financial, marital, and parenting issues.  We shall see as I read on.

In addition to the library, I have begun watching a few blogs.  I don't have time to read them every day, and some of them aren't published every day.  My favorite lately is The Simple Dollar, which is about reducing your debt, living simply, and still enjoying life.  I really enjoy the author's frank writing style.  Today, as I logged into my "Blogger Dashboard" I saw one of his posts was Ten Personal Finance and Career Books You Should Read.  I diligently added them to my GoodReads list.  This will let me reserve them from the library and start reading them.  I suppose that my current interest is trying to find ways to pinch pennies (an earlier read was 10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget).  Buying these two new cars, unexpected dental work, and a nice Christmas for the family has stretched us.  I am holding my breath until my bonus check comes hoping I don't have to carry a balance on my credit card!  I am a little stressed and I am hoping to find the magic solution in a book; however, I know that it really just means I need to settle back into the belt-tightening ways of my youth.

Speaking of, I have packed up all of the books we purged over the weekend.  Two boxes went to Husband to mail (and they are still in his trunk!) to the bookseller and my friend in Virginia.  There are 5 boxes that will wait until I drag them to an Association luncheon and transfer them to a friend's car.  That's 7 boxes of books leaving my house!!!  One win.

Library Purge - Update

So, spent time scanning (using my phone) the ISBNs from the 50 or so books we are getting rid of.  Tried out two sites:  www.cash4books.net and www.sellbackyourbooks.com.  The first one would only take 5 books and would have given us $15.50, but $8+ was for a book that they wouldn't accept because it was a textbook of mine with lots of underlining in it.  So, I tried the second site and they were willing to take 13 books and will send me a check for $15.49.  Now all I have to do is print out the shipping label, package up the books and mail them within the next 10 days.  Pretty good deal for stuff we don't want, huh?

Library Purge

Our "library" is the one room in the house the kids cannot go without an adult and where the cat is forbidden because it is the winter home for my plants.  The room has become the repository of things without a home.  The grandfather clock is bolted to the wall and a lone bookshelf is against another wall.  That bookshelf is double-loaded with books and DVDs.  A round table in a corner holds the philodendron.  Another corner is stacked with all my cake and candymaking supplies.  A picture of a girl reading in front of a grandfather clock hangs between the two windows.  Underneath one of the windows is a pile of items to post on eBay or freecycle.  The middle of the floor has a large pile of kids' books strewn about.

Today, since Husband is sick, I planned on cleaning out my closet.  However, he wanted to go through the DVDs.  We have decided to donate our old DVDs to the military troops and he already had a box set aside.  What started as a simple task turned into a full blown purge of books, too.  I now have stacks of books that we have moved to the dining room.  They include science fiction, cookbooks, comic books (Far Side, Fox Trot, Dilbert, etc.), romances, old textbooks, reference books, poetry, and more.  Our home is full of voracious readers.

Now, what to do with them?  I found a place online that you can scan the book and see if they will take it.  However, they typically only take books from 2009 or later.  I have yet to scan the books, but doubt they will take many of ours.

Then, Serendipity arrives.  A friend mentions she needs children's books for her classroom in an impoverished area.  I will gladly ship her the kids' books.  Another friend tells me she has a fundraiser at her kids' school where they are collecting books and she can pick up whatever we have.  Now I am happy that we did this today - and that I posted on Facebook about the purge.  We get rid of unwanted stuff to others with a need.  It makes me feel so charitable!

Swimsuits with Skirts

Since we have begun swimming on Saturdays again, I find myself in need of a swimsuit.  I actually have three:  (1) a suit with solid coverage, but at least a size too small, (2) an ugly suit with a skirt that my sister's friend passed on to her, and (3) another suit passed down from my sister's friend that shows altogether too much cleavage.

Today after work, I stopped at Catherine's and Fashion Bug hoping to find a suit that fit.  All they had were suits with skirts.  I hate swimsuits with skirts.

I do not understand why the fashion houses think plus size woman want skirts.  So it is a little extra fabric to cover our large thighs.  But it isn't as if you can hide the rest of your legs that are the size of tree trunks.  We don't fool anyone.

Clearly, they do not think plus size women swim.  I wore one to the pool and all it did was float up, expose the ugly nude netting underneath, and get in my way while I was actually trying to swim.  Swimsuits with skirts are simply not functional.

I don't think anyone thinks they make us look good.  They are like water muumuus.  Water body blankets.  Tents.

I will wait to buy a functional suit and continue to go to the pool and show just a lot too much cleavage.  It isn't like they will be watching me when there are college girls in suits all around them.  Of course, I will enjoy scenery like this when I go to watch swim lessons.

Lack of Stamina

I am embarrassed these days about my lack of stamina.  No doubt it is due to the large amount of extra pounds I carry, the lack of consistent sleep, getting older, and the myriad of stressors in my life.  However, nothing demonstrates it more to me than today.

Our plan was simple:  get up when the kids do, eat breakfast, grab showers, go to Target for some items for the kids, go swimming at RPAC, have lunch, hit the library, head home and have the kids read while one of us goes to the grocery and have dinner at home.

The reality was so much more exhausting.

We were awakened by sounds from downstairs of boys happily engaging in balloon swordplay with treasures gained at last night's PTO Family Pizza Night.  It was 8:30.  I was tired, but we started moving.  The kids had blueberry bagels, Husband had yogurt, and I ate my Fiber One cereal.  Yes, I have gotten old enough to now require a steady intake of fiber-y foods.

I grabbed a shower while Husband wrangled the kids dressed and had them make their beds.  A shower was a necessity if I had to endure the already embarrassing ordeal of a bathing suit in public.  We left the house at 10:00.  Husband was already grumbling about the kids' behavior, his aches, etc.  He was in a foul mood.

Our first stop is Target, where we picked up most of what we needed.  We found two pair of size 10 slim jeans for Igor.  He is growing like a weed.  We picked up size small swim trunks for Hannibal whose waist is two thick for the extra small trunks he wore to his lessons Tuesday.  We also found a t-shirt on clearance for Igor, and a pair of Batman pajamas for Hannibal.  We looked for Crocs for Igor, but it is not yet the season.  We picked out Valentine treats for the 45 kids in the eldest's class, something else for the 6 in the youngest's, and special treats for the teachers.  Then some moisturizer for me and a hair clip I have been looking to try for some time.

My plan was to give the kids a snack of dried fruit and raisins in the car on the way to the pool.  But the entire family was hungry.  So we went to lunch instead.  Husband was emotional and craved Five Guys Burgers.  A conversation about healthy choices ensued and we went there anyway.  We plan to have a healthy dinner.

After lunch of burgers/hot dogs and fries, we go to the pool at RPAC.  I have a small breakdown about being seen among these lithe college students in my bathing suit.  The scenery on campus is fabulous, but I stick out.  We play for a while in the recreation pool.  Husband even gets to sit in the hot tub for 20 minutes while the kids and I race (me on my arms since were in the shallow end) across the pool.  It was quite a workout.  Hannibal is getting better about letting his face get wet, but did have a harrowing moment when he foundered and couldn't get his legs beneath him.  Good thing Husband was in the hot tub and missed it!

We used the family changing rooms to shower the kids and turn back into humans.  That was when I felt exhausted first - and we still had more to do.  I chalked it up to the chlorine and powered on.  Husband did go get the car, but that was due to the cold, harsh winds.  He met us in a different parking lot we could reach without leaving the building.

The family is hungry again.  I think it is time for the dried fruit I brought.  Nope, Husband decides we should "feed the monster" and go to Mozart's for "one last treat.". Sure.  Emphasize the deprivation of healthy eating.  Sheesh.

We get to the bakery and they are having their annual open house.  It is crowded.  We get the food to go.  Husband dropped $50.  Seriously?  Yes.  Two chocolate croissants, one slice of champagne strawberry cake, a chocolate raspberry tart, a chocolate raspberry remoulade, a marzipan peach, and AN ENTIRE TIRAMISU!  There goes all the calories we just worked off and then some.  But now the dilemma - where to eat it? 

We look at the time and realize it is 3:30, we are 1/2 an hour from the library, and it closes at 5:00 p.m.  Out comes the dried fruit and we head for the library with the treats waiting for home later.  The kids fall asleep in the car.

At the library, we tell the kids no computer time.  This is a short trip.  Well, that is, until every family member has to take a "potty break" (and some of them, more than one!).  I am happy to find three of my books have come in (Husband only has one).  Igor picks up another Diary of a Wimpy Kid book and Hannibal picks up the first book he sees.

At this point, we are too tired for the grocery OR movie night.  We head home.  We eat some of the pastries.  Igor works on homework.  Hannibal does "art."  Husband and I read.  We have potatoes baking. 

Dinner is a baked potato and steamed vegetables and milk.  Husband skips the veggies and the kids don't notice.  Then, they watch a half-hour cartoon before we put them to bed.  And then I blog while Husband spoons out some tiramisu.  Then we plan on reading and bed.

I could go to sleep now.  For us, this was a really busy Saturday.  Tomorrow will likely be a lazy Sunday at home.

Freezer Cooking

I finished reading, "10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget.". One of the recommendations was to do something called "once-a-month cooking.". I am not quite sure I could spend an entire weekend cooking meals for a month, but I would like to have some ready-made meals in the freezer so we don't have to eat out as often.  Since today was library day, I picked up a book, "the Everything Freezer Meals Cookbook.".

I am reading the book now while the kids play on the computer at the library.  My only concern is the "gourmets" I live with.  They scoff at freeze meals.  Well, Husband does.  Iago frequently freezes food in batches and reheats it.  Current favorites are bean soup and garlic bread.  So I am going to try it and see how it goes.  It is by far cheaper than eating out.  And we need to start saving money.

Oh, library time is up.  Time to head to the hardware store.  If you have any good freeze-ahead meals, send me the recipe!

30 day cleaning plan

So, a friend just posted this article on Facebook and I checked it out.
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/the-schedule-house-cleaning-in-131142

This sounds like a good plan.  I hate our "cleaning-a-thons" that we have before people come over.  I might incorporate some of this.  We have the Aunts coming over for dinner on Sunday and the house is a wreck.  Husband is going to be out tomorrow night taking care of transferring his old car to BIL (did I tell you we bought Husband a new 2012 Camry on Saturday?).  So that leaves Friday and Saturday to clean house.  The fact that the Aunts are not the tidiest means I'm not all that stressed, but I will use this as an excuse to clean house and get back to a "maintenance" state.  Seriously, I'm sitting here in the office blogging and I feel cramped because of all the stuff on the desk.  Maybe I can spend about 20 minutes cleaning off the desks and filing in here?  Okay. . . I'm on it.  I'm motivated by this article. . .

First Monday Miss

Monday, I told Husband I would have to work late. He was prepared to feed the kids and put them to bed. Then, at noon, I found out I didn't need to work late, so I texted Husband. When I was packing up at the end of the day and I hadn't heard back, I texted him again.

We proceed to exchange texts, with the result that he will pick up Subway on the way home.In the midst of those texts comes the, "oops, I forgot it was First Monday."

That was odd since it was actually the 2nd Monday.  Apparently, since my father-in-law was planning to be in Florida for First Monday, he had arranged with Husband at Christmas to take the kids the following Monday.  However, this never made it on the calendar, nor had Husband shared with Iago or me.

So my poor father-in-law was at our house, but no one was home. Or so it seemed. It turns out that Iago was at home, but on the treadmill and couldn't hear his phone.  And he doesn't answer a knock on the door.   After much texting and phone calls, the kids were off for a night with their grandpa.

We ate Subway as adults - in the living room in front of the television watching a really horrible rated R movie.

Mall Shopping

Today, I made the mistake of entering a mall.  I have a friend getting married and her wedding shower is next weekend so I had to go buy a gift from her registry.  I researched it online and headed in to the exact place it was located, selected it, and waited in line behind 4 people exchanging Christmas presents.  What should have been a commando run was a long line and wait.  I hate malls.

The last time I was in the mall was right before Christmas to pick up a Hot Topic gift card for my 16-year-old nephew.  I hadn't been in a mall since the previous Christmas when I bought him a Hot Topic jacket.  I still remember the clerk asking me if I had a "Hot Topic Member Card."  Uh, no.  Do I look like the Hot Topic demographic?  I only have one hole in each ear and not a single tattoo and I've never colored my hair.  I'm a married mother of two.  (If you are unfamiliar with Hot Topic, check out their website:  Hot Topic.)  Not really marketed toward me.  But my niece and nephew love it.  It would be akin to what I remember "Spencer's Gifts" being when I was a teenager.  Gosh, I'm old.

However, the mall trip left me realizing that I no longer have the art of window shopping.  When I was a teenager, I had no money.  I bought much of my own food, clothes, and personal toiletry items while living with my grandmother.  That left little room for what most teenagers spent their discretionary income on - and I didn't get an allowance to speak of, I had to work for every dime.  On the weekends, I would go with my friends to the mall and we could be there for hours without spending a dime.  Now, I only go to stores when I need something specific and I rarely just "look around."  I don't really have the time and I feel like if I'm there I should buy something.  I do most of my gift buying at the holidays on Amazon because I want to avoid the crowds in the stores and it is easier for me to stick to my budget.

I miss window shopping.  It's an art I need to remember.  I do most of my window shopping on Amazon now, too.  I just add things to my wishlist that I want.  It also lets me prioritize what I want and share the list with people for gift giving occasions.  But it's not the same as walking into a store and looking around and touching things, without needing to buy anything whatsoever.

Of course, the other part is I would go with my friends and I rarely shop with friends anymore.  I haven't found anyone with my style and preferences and budget - all important in a friend who shops with you.  Compatibility is important so you're not always shooting down the others preferences.  Perhaps I should hunt for a "shopping buddy."  Who knows?

Not much to report today

Fourth day of Diary of a Wimpy Kid read aloud to me while I do a mile on the treadmill.  My feet hurt and I haven't seen any luck on the scale (I know, give it time).

Igor lied to me this morning, so I took a piece of his Christmas candy away.  He then stomped his foot and I took xbox away for the day.  What did he lie about?  Saying he had brushed his teeth when he had so clearly not.

A little worried about finances based on the credit card bill from Christmas, but while it will be tight we can make it work.  This is why I was worried about getting a new car for Husband before my bonus came.  We shall see what BIL does and when.

Really tired.  But didn't want to miss a day of blogging here.

A Maury Povich Kind of Day

Many of you may not be aware, but way back in the late 90's, my older brother appeared on the Maury Povich show, one of the early paternity test episodes.  This was before Maury perfected the signature, "You are NOT the father!"

My brother at that point had been dad since day one to my niece and all the show did was confirm what we all saw when she was born:  she was clearly my brother's kid.  He came home from the trip with new-found legal rights.  Before this, her mom (his girlfriend at the time), had used her as a pawn.  Now, more than 14 years after the episode aired, my niece primarily lives with my brother.

Today, I feel like I am reminded of that Maury Povich saga.  BIL, the brother-in-law not living here, was served with paperwork for a hearing for child support for a child born to his wife in December 2006.  Based on the timing, it should not be BIL's.  He moved in with us in the summer of 2005 (actually, his wife kicked him out on the anniversary of his mom's death, so we even know the date).  He says he has not seen her since then and based on the pit of despair he was in while he lived with us, and the police reports we filed when his wife's boyfriend threatened to hurt BIL, I actually believe him.

The hearing was today.  Husband bought his brother clothes for the hearing as a Christmas present.  The hearing was scheduled for 8:30 a.m.  Husband planned to pick BIL up at 7 a.m.  When he got there, BIL was still asleep.  Husband woke him up.  Then BIL'S current girlfriend wanted to go with them and played her usual manipulative games to try and make him late.  But she underestimated the powers of my Husband.  They arrived 7 minutes early.

The wife never showed.  BIL gave his story and they proceeded to swab him for DNA.  Now, we wait while they contact the wife to get a swab from the kid to determine the validity of the claim.

The best part is that if BIL hadn't shown - a big possibility if Husband hadn't been involved - they would have automatically awarded a judgment against him, his wages would have been garnished, and he would have suffered a long, uphill battle to fight the child support award.

Welcome to my soap opera life.  Oh, and we have added BIL back to our family cell phone plan since his girlfriend's grandma had theirs shut off.

Two Birds with One Stone

The new year has begun and we have returned to work.  We have agreed, Husband & I, to get back on track.  We had sort of lost our way.  I want to get on the treadmill for about 30 minutes each day.

I am a busy, working mom.  Finding that 30 minutes is challenging.  Then, at the library yesterday, Igor requested that he be able to read his chapter book to me.  He picked up the book Diary of a Wimpy Kid:  The Last Straw.  He wanted to read it aloud to me.  Well, his teachers have told us he needs to work on his reading fluency.  So I agreed.  Now...where to find the time.

An idea was born.  Tonight, I walked on the treadmill while listening to the story of a kid creating a time capsule.  My son loved being able to read to me and I got my workout in.  We'll do it again tomorrow.

Distribution of Work

I think Husband believes he does more around the house than I do.  And that irritates me beyond belief today.  Today is the last day before we return to work from the holidays.  We picked up stuff to make pierogies for dinner.  So it gets to be 6:30 p.m. and I ask him when he was going to start dinner.

"Oh, I didn't realize I had to cook them," he says.

Well, of course he did!  I don't cook pierogies - and when I do, I don't cook them with bacon, onions, and sour cream the way he and his brother do.  So, yes, I expected him to cook dinner.  Then he was all put out.

Yes, I had one more day off than he did so I suppose it is expected that I achieved more than he did this weekend.  But I can only think of one chore he accomplished this weekend - carrying the Christmas tree back down to the basement.  I had to wrangle the kids and collect all of the Christmas decorations and put them back in the boxes, untrim the tree, remove the Christmas lights from outside, etc.  And I did that with the kids home with me all day!  He would argue that we don't have to do any of this if I didn't want the house decorated - he wouldn't bother if it was all up to him.

In addition, I did all the laundry - mine, both kids, and the communal linens.  He did one load of his own.  I even made sure to put it all away.  I broke down boxes from all the presents for recycling - he helped me at the end because it was clear I was frustrated.  Otherwise, he has happily been sitting in front of the TV for so long today that the TV auto-shut-off has engaged at least twice that I am aware (it takes 3 hours before it turns off).

So I'm irritated.  Particularly because I get up from the couch where I have been researching refrigerators and induction ranges and decide to get some work done on the association website while we wait for pizza (yes, pizza - he didn't feel like cooking) and notice that the kids have left the lights on in the dining room, have left out the play dough that he got out for them, that the newspapers I thought the kids had put in the recycling bin are spread out all over the office floor, and that the dishes from the melted cheese & nacho lunch (yes, he thought that was an adequate lunch) are still sitting on the table.  I clean up the papers, make the kids clean up the play dough, and clear the dishes.  All while he plays Harry Potter on the Xbox and we wait for pizza.  Yes, I think I can be irritated.  You?

Frugality

When I was in college, I had frugality covered.  It was required.  There were days I bawled like a baby in my dorm room trying to figure out where the money would come from to buy toothpaste.  I scrimped to pay my sorority dues only to hear about those that were behind on theirs - knowing I had seen them partying the weekend before.  I often skipped social engagements because I had no funds.  I resented those who had little regard for budgets.

Now, the sad part is, I have become one of those people I resented.  My husband and I make a decent living.  For 11 years, we lived in a house we bought based on my immediate post-graduate school (and deeply in student loan debt) incomes.  My career gratefully advanced and we became comfortable.  Then we had extra.  Then, two years ago, we bought a bigger house to preserve my sanity. 

Which leads to the need to reinstitute frugality.  Not the wondering-where-toothpaste-will-come-from frugality, but one that builds an emergency reserve, pays off long-term debt (like those lingering student loan debts), builds a retirement future, and saves for my childrens' college.  We are doing some of these on a small scale, but each time we increase our income, it seems an expense pops up to equal the increase.

To help me, I have begun reading a book from the library, 10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget by the writers of Wise Bread.  There have been a few tips and hints that are ludicrous to me.  However, reading it has made me want to go back to the mindful spending of my early 20's where I had to consciously decide where every penny was going.  Maybe not to that extreme, but there are days when I don't know where entire paychecks have gone and I know that cannot continue.

One of the articles I read in the book basically said that personal finance comes down to one basic principle:  spend less than you earn.  Now, to get back to that mentality.  I am sure some future blogs will talk about ways I am doing that.  (Be aware, this is not a New Year's Resolution - I resolved years ago to never make them - but simply a new guiding principle as I try to regain my contentment.). The unexpected will certainly pop up, but with a new mindfulness, perhaps I won't have the sick chest pain trying to see where the money will come from. 

Happy New Year's!

Husband and I rang in the new year last night drinking a bottle of ice wine and watching Glee on hulu on the xbox.  How lame!  Then I slept until noon.

Yesterday's shopping for cars was illuminating.  Husband is pretty decided on buying a Toyota Corrolla.  I thought for sure he would go with the VW Golf TDI.  But he is practical and the Corrolla has more positives than the Golf, which is just more fun to drive.  Now we wait to decide whether we buy now or later depending upon BIL's intentions.

Husband did have an incident yesterday.  The TDI was a stick and while he thought the car was in reverse, it was in 1st.  He didn't hit the gas, but was on a hill.  He tapped the car in front.  No damage to that car, but the car he was driving has a scratch you can't see, but can feel, where the license plate touched the bumper.  Now we have to wait until Tuesday to hear what the estimate is for the damage.  Personally, I think the dealer is responsible, but need to do our research.  Not money I wanted to spend.