Dreams

I have found a new website, www.meyouhealth.com.  The site has a new "Daily Challenge" that is supposed to:

Do one small healthy action every day. Discover how rewarding it is to focus on your well-being.

Since that aligns with my plan to "recapture my life," I have signed up.  I haven't been consistent, but I've done some.  Examples of the ones I've completed  include:

• Tap your toes along to a favorite song
• Check your bed pillows for cushioning and firmness
• Wrap on a pair of sunglasses that block UV light
• Replace a sugary snack with fruit
• Make an emergency ID card

Today's is about Dreams:  Define your dream.  In particular, define the dream and then write it down and come up with steps to make it happen.  To me, dreams are long-term goals.  They gave examples like getting a new job, going to Italy, etc.  Mine are a little bigger, I think.  I want to be happy again.  I've been unhappy for a while and I think that's clearly reflected in my weight gain.  My mom has done that all my life:  yo-yo weight based on her happiness quotient.  Unfortunately, she passed it on.  I'd like to break the cycle.  I started working toward my goal, my "dream" if you will, with this blog.  Doing one small thing a day to move closer to making my house into a home.  I've now added the Daily Challenge piece.  But here is what I really want:

1. To travel to Paris.  My sister and I will be (hopefully) taking this trip next year.  My sister had made an agreement with my niece that if she brought her grades up by the time she was 16, she would take her to Paris.  I asked if I could join them.  Then my sister and I agreed we would go even if the niece didn't.  At this point, it looks like all three of us will be going.  To accomplish this goal, I need to (1) start saving money for the trip, (2) brush up on my French, and (3) get a passport.  Our plan is to go sometime after April next year.
2. To reclaim my life.  In short, go back to doing what I enjoy and feeling good about myself.  Things that are involved in this include:

• Getting our financial life in better order by preparing a budget and sticking to it.
• Eating at home more to save money and eat healthier
• Exercising a couple of times a week at a minimum.  May need to move the treadmill from the basement to the bonus room and get it fixed.
• Lose weight so I feel better and can do more - the previous two bullets should help.
• Journal / blog more often to help ease my stress.
• Less television, more action.  I want stories of MY life to tell, not vignettes from episodes of TV.  Life passing me by. . . 
• Spend more time with friends.  Invite them over more, not caring that the house is a mess.
• Clean the house more, including giving the kids chores to help.  They're old enough.  Igor has started making his bed on his own rather spontaneously.  Not great job at it yet, but it takes practice.
• Look for a more satisfying job.  I like my job, but I think I'm underutilized and that I'm ready for the next level.  It's not going to fall in my lap.  I need to go out and find it.
• Consider reconnecting to my spiritual side by going back to church.  I just haven't found one I like here yet.  Guess that means I have to start trying them again.

So, those are my goals/dreams for now.  We'll need to check back in a little while and see how I'm doing on these.

Where I've been. . .

Been away for a while.  Last weekend was spent in Cleveland bidding farewell to my great-aunt.  She was my grandmother's twin sister (grandma has been gone 20 years) and was 89.  I will miss her.  She is the one who taught me how to swim.  I wish I could keep house like she could!  She was married to my great uncle for more years than can be remembered and at 90 he is still as feisty as ever.

This week was spent working hard and dealing with sick kids.  Now I'm sick.  I also took Thursday & Friday of this week as vacation to spend with Igor before he goes back to school on Monday from "Spring Break."  Not sure why they call it spring break when it's been cold and there's been snow.  But it was a week off.

We spent Thursday going to breakfast at Scrambler Marie's, a visit to Petland, a visit to Trading Places (the furniture consignment shop), and the grocery store.  Kids got their first taste of Beanie Weenie (homemade, of course, with baked beans and hot dogs and brown sugar) and refused to try anymore.  So they had carrots for lunch.  After cleanup, they watched a little Animaniacs on DVD.  Then naps, followed by making bread in the bread maker, wrestling in the living room, more Animaniacs, and then cooking dinner.  Oh yeah, and Hannibal didn't nap, but broke his Winnie the Pooh bank instead and spent the naptime sorting coins on his floor.

Friday. . . well, Friday I felt awful and we had a slothful day.  We all slept in (I got up to change Husband's dressing and then went back to bed).  When Hannibal awoke, he used the potty and came into bed to cuddle with me.  Igor followed soon after.  We went downstairs and had Pop Tarts for breakfast.  They watched a Scooby Doo movie while sitting on me on the recliner (I slept some more - it was a really awful Scooby Doo movie!).  Then some Animaniacs.  Then Macaroni & Cheese with applesauce and orange juice for lunch.  Then nap time for the boys, shower for me.  Hannibal again didn't nap.  So he came down and watched TV with me (HGTV) while I purged the last box in the office.  Husband came home early and we all went to Best Buy to look at televisions.  Our 8+ year old television has a conversion board issue and needed replaced.  Bye Bye bonus check (which doesn't even come until April 11th!).  Then to a disappointing dinner at Macaroni Grill.  Home, kids to bed, stayed up and watched the Buckeyes lose in the Sweet 16.  Bummer.

Today, purchased a new TV.  This one will wall mount and be a lot flatter to the wall than the current one.  We just have to wait until Saturday for delivery.

And that's where I've been. . .

Desk

There is a furniture consignment shop next to our grocery store.  I love browsing this store.  There is a desk that I absolutely love.  They reduce the prices on the items at certain date intervals to try to move the product.  The last time I was in, the price on this desk was only $250.  I should have bought it, but we have been tight on cashflow these days, so I didn't.  I did tell the shop owners that I've gushed about it enough that my husband might buy it for me for my birthday coming up.

On Friday, I traveled up to Cleveland for my great-aunt's funeral (more on that later).  Husband tried to get to the store while I was gone and made it up Saturday morning.  Only to find out that the desk had been sold.  On Friday night.  When he had tried to get to the store, but wasn't able.  He was bummed.  Of course, now I find out that he never really liked it, but was going to buy it for me because I liked it.  I wanted it as a laptop desk in the "Library" (you know, the room with one bookcase and the grandfather clock).  See picture below:

Sunday, Husband took me back to the shop and showed me a circular desk with a leather top.  But it costs $500 and I really don't like it nearly as much.  This one had character.

I guess Husband had talked to his buddy and was going to leave it in his garage until my birthday in May.  What a sweet guy.  If only he'd gotten out of work early on Friday and made it in before some woman snatched it up!

Pet Peeves

Husband has told me that he really doesn't like to cook anymore because he doesn't like (1) having to share the space, (2) not having things where he wants them to be, and (3) not having space to work in.  So I am making efforts to keep the space clean.  I liked it so much better when he cooked for us.

We have a really nice kitchen.  As you know, I picked up a potato bin to move the potatoes and onions off the counter. One of the trouble spots is the kitchen island.  It has become the place where everyone dumps their stuff.  I'm also the only one who wipes down counters or tables in this house after we eat.  So, since I get busy, and the family often eats when I'm not around, the place is filthy.  I took an evening and I cleaned the island and all the counters.  There was nothing on them. They sparkled.

And then. . . Husband decided to fix the kids' toy box in the Living Room.  To do so, he emptied the toy box and put it up on the kitchen table, which I'd cleared.  Then he brought up his tools from the basement and set them on the island.  I thought, "This is ok.  It's temporary.  He'll put them away when he's done."  Nope.  The toy box was fixed last night.  The tools have overtaken the island and sit there.  So now, other family members have started putting things on the island.  That's one of my pet peeves for this evening.

My other pet peeve is recycling.  I don't mind recycling and doing my part for the environment.  Neither does the family.  Just today, I drove 6 paper bags full of my graduate school articles and paperwork to the recycling bin behind Igor's school (they get money for it).  What I do mind is that the family just puts their recyclables on the counter instead of walking the 10 extra steps to the garage to put them in one of the recycling bins.  Essentially, we give up an entire counter for recycling.  I hate that counter.  So I've started putting the recycling into the bins before bed each night.  I feel like Wendy cleaning up after the Lost Boys.  But I grumble when I do it.  But it's a new "system" and handles the mess caused by recycling building up on the counter.  I've asked them all repeatedly, but it hasn't worked.  So I create a new system.

On a positive note:

• We got rid of the 6 bags of paper recycling.  I now only have one more box to go through in the Office before I start "fine-tuning" my filing system.
• The running toilet was fixed in the Powder Room
• The kids' toy box was fixed and we purged toys from it.  I'm sending a box to my cousin next time someone travels between here and Cleveland.
• I loaded Quicken Deluxe 2011 to the computer and have started tracking bills that way.  This reduces some receipts and other bills that were cluttering up the place.  It also gives me an idea of where we've been spending our money.

I will warn you . . . I'm studying for this certification exam, so I may not be able to write as much.  But I am still working toward my goal:  one thing a day to move me in a positive direction.

Passive Aggressive Behavior

I am an HR professional specializing in Compensation for the last 11 years.  I have been given feedback that one of the barriers in advancing in my career is my specialization in compensation prevents me from being knowledgeable about the other areas of HR.  I feel this is ridiculous.  My degree is a Master's in Industrial/Organizational Psychology.  I studied those "other areas" of HR.  Oh well.

To compensate for this, I have signed up to take my SPHR exam during the Spring (May-June) timeframe.  I also signed up for a prep course through the local HR Association.  The class is from 6-10 pm on Wednesdays for 8 weeks.  I obtained approval through work and they're paying for both the exam and the course.  Tonight was the first course.

I had validated with Husband that it wouldn't be a problem if I took the course before I signed up.  He was verbally supportive.  Now the passive aggressive behavior begins.  When I call to say I'm on the way home, I ask if the kids were good for him.  "Mostly."  Ok, not bad.

I get home.  He is playing Call of Duty on the Xbox and wants to play a few more games.  I say that's fine and that I have to unwind, too.  I go to play a few rounds of Zuma Blitz.  That apparently knocks his internet connection on the Xbox off.  He says not to worry that I can play because I just got home and need to unwind.  He's been home alone (kids in bed around 8 - 8:30).  So I log in to Facebook and am catching up on status updates (i.e., reading them).

He comes into the office.  He starts talking to me about his conversation with an attorney today (I won't get into details, but something's wrong with how they fixed his arm with the surgery and we're exploring our options without wanting to be unnecessarily punitive).  Because I can no longer continue reading my status updates, I switch over to the mindless game so I can listen.  He blows up, "Fine.  Play your game.  We'll talk later."  I explain that I put it on specifically so I could listen.  I get a "Whatever."  He continues telling me what he has to tell me and then says, "I'll be upstairs in bed."

I swear.  Sometimes I think I'm married to Eyeore from the Winnie the Pooh stories.  He tells me it's ok, but then he punishes me for going by essentially blaming me for things that go wrong or picking a fight with me.  This is NOT what I wanted to come home to.  And apparently, it isn't ok that he has to have the kids on his own every Wednesday night for the next 8 weeks.  But I'm committed to this now. . . ugh.

Day of Rest? Not really.

Today, we went to the hardware store.  We bought hooks to hang the magazine file that I bought from The Container Store.  We ended up buying screws to fix the toy box in the living room and some Lilies of the Valley plants to plant around the patio.  We also bought a pack of picture hangers.  We had lunch at Steak N Shake.  Then we headed home.  Hannibal and I stayed home while Husband took Igor to his Little League Evaluation.  I'm hoping he did well enough to get into Coach Pitch.

While home, Hannibal wanted to play the Wii.  I told him he couldn't play until we cleaned up the Bonus Room.  If he got the room clean (he's the one who messes it up all the time) before Igor came home, he would get to play the Wii.  Well, he didn't get to play the Wii, but we did get the room mostly clean.  It was a mess.  Mega Blocks and train parts and stuffed animals and books strewn about the floor. 

Igor and Husband came home with a story.  Igor had been hit on the hand during batting practice.  Poor kid.  It scraped the hand and he was starting to swell.  I am proud that he didn't even cry, but kept batting after it happened.  We bandaged him up and put ice on it.  Then we watched Survivor on the DVR.  Then the Ohio State Men's Basketball game vs. Wisconsin, while reading my Sunday paper. 

After the game, we went to Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner.  We came back, gave the kids their showers, put them to bed.  When we came down, Husband needed to do something on the computer, so I filed.  I was able to complete another box.  Only 3 more to go!  This box was hard.  I came across stuff pertaining to Igor's early hospitalization and follow-up.  Rough.  I also found his first footprints from the hospital.  Awww.

Husband continued to "play" on the computer - he actually bought me a few songs for my iPod and re-loaded my iPod with songs.  I can't complain.  So I began to tackle Box 1 of the Graduate School bundle.  Most is going to paper recycling.  But I did go down memory lane for a bit.  I might keep some of my take-home exams and papers.  But all the other stuff is likely going in the trash.  Since I was in a rhythm, Husband finished and hung my magazine file with the kids' coloring books (see pic below).  He also hung my bulletin board.  A little higher than I wanted, but at least it's on the wall instead of leaning against it.

Now, he's playing a quick game on the Xbox 360 while I blog and then play a round (or two) of Zuma Blitz before bed.

Shopping

Today is the first Saturday of the month, so Iago took Igor out to lunch (on our dime) and spent time with him afterwards.  That meant Hannibal, Husband, & I went out to lunch for Chinese.  Afterwards, since my girlfriend wasn't able to go out and play (boo hoo), I went out shopping without kids while Husband stayed home and played with Hannibal.

I shopped with a purpose.  I went to two stores:  Joann and Staples.  At Joann, without any kids, I was able to browse.  My intent was to buy the cupcake decorating kit that comes with the 4 tips I require for my cupcake decorating.  I also bought: 

• two beautiful wooden candleholders (see pic below)
• 6 cute speckled egg candles (also in pic below)
• a set of "Lunchbox Love" notes to insert into Igor's lunchbox when we pack his lunch (saves me having to write him a new one each time!)
• Shamrock cupcake liners for the cupcakes for the potluck at work later this month, and
• a 12 cup cupcake pan. 
• 

I then headed to Staples.  Where I bought:

• a new shredder (our old one jammed and we could never fix it
• Quicken Deluxe 2011 (I've been lost since my Microsoft Money expired)
• 2 4GB USB Flash Drives (1 for my digital photo frame and 1 to handle documents transported to and from work)
• small and large paper clips
• a set of 6" x 9" catalog envelopes (so I can send consolidated mail to the former owner)
• 2 more boxes of legal size hanging folders in assorted colors
• Avery file folder labels

Then I grabbed a Sweet Tea from McDonald's, stopped at CVS to pick up something that Husband forgot at the grocery store, and headed home.  Where I unpacked and put it all away.  A successful trip.

Nostalgia

Went through another box in the Office last night and continued to do "gross filing" as I'm calling it.  What this means is that I'm separating out the stuff in the boxes into large categories.  I'll winnow these down into smaller files once I have an idea of what smaller categories I need.  I have 1 1/2 drawers filled and 4 boxes to go.  Three of those boxes, it turns out, are graduate school file boxes which I think I'll be pitching most of the contents.

However, I now know why I have been putting this off.  Nostalgia.  Going through these boxes brings back all sorts of memories as I come across items such as:

• Notes from middle & high school from my first boyfriend who remains a friend.
• Letters from my brother's best friend who I dated off & on for several years in high school & college
• Letters from my pen pal throughout middle school and high school (after losing touch, we have found each other again on Facebook)
• Sympathy cards from when my grandfather died
• My father's honorable discharge papers from the Air Force
• Paperwork on my Factor V Leiden diagnosis, surrounded by the paperwork from when Igor was in his first year and we had to go to all these doctors appointments because of his seizures
• My youth director's funeral program
• the "Christian Performer's Manual" that my sister and I put together during our time with Cleveland Praise Ministry, a clown/puppetry/mime/sign language group
• all the farewell cards from when I left jobs (I move around a lot)
• Igor's first soccer pictures
• Igor's preschool papers / pictures
• Hannibal's emergency room paperwork from when his older brother cut his finger with scissors the night before Hannibal's first birthday

I understand why people hoard paper.  It's hard to let go these memories.  And, for the most part, I haven't yet.  I did trash some things, but others are still filed as I determine what to do.  However, a file cabinet should not become a "paper graveyard" as my organizing book tells me.  I'll continue to complete the gross filing and then fine tune my system.  As I do that, more of this might go away.  The trip through memory lane was bittersweet, though.

Another Box Gone

Husband was working late tonight.  I came home and ordered pizza and salad for dinner.  Then, I brought the kids into the office.  Hannibal was put in the "kids' space" with a puzzle.  Igor was happy to play Farkle on my Facebook pages.  And I, well, I began to empty a box.

Now that I have the file cabinet, I have 6 boxes whose contents need to be reviewed and either filed or disposed of.  Two of the boxes are from graduate school and haven't been touched in years.  I anticipate tossing most of the contents.  If I need any of it, I can find it online or from a library, I suppose.  Just because someone reached out to me regarding my thesis recently doesn't mean I need to hold on to everything.

The remaining boxes represent (1) what came out of the two drawer file cabinet I disposed of via Freecycle or (2) boxes of paperwork from the desk at the old house that we just threw into boxes to make the house look presentable while we were trying to sell it.

Today, using a technique from the organizing book I'm reading, I just spent time on one box separating it into major categories and tossing anything I was sure I ddn't need to keep.  I did take a break midway through the process to put the kids to bed and then I went back to it.

Gone are the Christmas cards from friends/family from 2008 (sorry, but I just don't see why we should keep these. . . I love your kids, but I don't need the paper).  Gone are some things from Igor's preschool days.  Gone are the pay stubs from 2008 (I have the W-2 that shows the earnings, so I don't need the individual stubs).  Gone is the dried PlayDoh from the homemade frame that Igor made that fell apart.  I know have broad category files of:

• Igor memories & records
• Hannibal memories & records
• Judith memories & records
• Benefits - Explanations of Benefits (I'll log these and then toss)
• Product Ownership / Manuals
• Bank Statements
• Mom's Trust Fund stuff
• Financial Paperwork (401k statements, college fund stuff, insurance, etc.)
• Work stuff (resumes, current benefits plans, bonus letters, etc.)
• Weight Watchers stuff
• Recipes

That's it.  I'll refine the categories and toss more as I go through it.  This was just a first pass.  But I disposed of one box.  However, it wasn't without emotions.  I did come across a Father's Day card for Ralph, my youth director, which I never sent before he died.  I miss him and he's been gone since shortly after Hannibal was born.  I still remember getting the call from his wife while nursing Hannibal.  Ah, memories.  I hold them dear, but I don't need to hold the paper.

Systems

So I'm reading this book on organizing by this woman who calls herself the "Zen Organizer" (One Year to an Organized Life by Regina Leeds).  I'm not sure I buy into all of it, but one thing that has stuck with me for the last couple of days is her comments regarding systems. 

Essentially, it boils down to this:  we all have systems.  Whether our system involves taking off our clothes and throwing them on the floor or throwing them into a hamper, they're systems.  They're routines.  What we have to do is replace the systems that are not working with the systems that do work.  As in, slowly retrain ourselves so that our natural system is no longer throwing the clothes on the floor, but putting them into the hamper.  Or, in a case familiar to this house, not leaving the toilet paper roll empty but replacing it right away.  (Yes, this did happen to me.  At least, though, I wasn't the one who was peed on this time. . . Husband is the one who stood in the stream of the middle of the night potty training boy.  I've learned to stand to the side!)

Similar to what you hear about how to change your eating habits, she recommends small, incremental changes that are livable.  In the book, she provides examples about how to implement various systems and strategies but also how you need to adapt them to your lifestyle.  I find, in many of the cases, I previously had many of these systems and this is what prevented me from turning hoarder.  However, with Husband and children and brothers-in-law, I have slowly lost touch with many of my systems because they are no longer workable.  I am still not a Hoarder.  But it is much harder these days to fight entropy.

Don't get me wrong. . . my systems weren't GREAT, but they were livable.  I still remember the date in college where I had been studying so much for an exam that I didn't have time to clean my room and while I wanted nothing more than to invite the date back to my room, I couldn't because of the embarrassment of what my room looked like.  Back then, my system was to throw everything where it landed and then a flurry to pick up when I had to.  I slowly grew into new systems that were more orderly.

So, much like I need to work on getting my diet and my exercise back on track, start enjoying the things I enjoyed doing before (cross-stitch, reading novels not magazines, going to the beach, etc), I need to work at developing those systems that helped me create order out of chaos.  I'm calling it reclaiming my life, one step at a time.  My project is just one aspect of this.  I also need to work on those other pieces, just one little step/habit at a time.

For example, I have started going through the mail immediately and either handling it or putting it in an organized manner.  But I'm trying to get rid of the paper mess before it grows.  (This is made more difficult by the mounds of paperwork Igor brings home from school each day, but we just put most of that in our paper recycling.  Unless it's really cute artwork and then it spends time at my work cubicle first.)  I have also started lunch each day with soup.  By the time I finish it and move on to the rest, I'm mostly full and throw most of the lunch away. . . it's a start.  And that's what this is all about, after all, reclaiming my life.